Nerdy Sexual Innuendo

Originally posted on Fresh Fiction 6/16/2017

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CompatibleTeaser1Don’t you love a good double meaning? I’ve always been a sucker for puns. The cheesier the better. But add some hidden sexual connotation and you’ve got me. Hook, line, and sinfully amused.

In THE WRONG KIND OF COMPATIBLE, Cassie and Drew take sexual innuendo in a somewhat unusual direction. Both are brilliant, but socially awkward with it. She blurts out everything that comes into her head, and he is the strong, silent type who says the wrong thing when he tries too hard. Between the two of them, they get into a (hopefully) hilarious—at first inadvertent—back and forth of geeky sexual innuendo.

For example:

Cassie looked up at the ceiling, doing her level best to return to the sane, rational woman she usually was. “Actually, grab your laptop. You’ll want to take notes, and possibly work through a few things on your own.”

“Will I need my dongle?”

She froze in the middle of taking her seat and checked his expression. Had he meant the double entendre, or was her dirty mind taking her there on its own?

“That’s…up to you,” she said slowly. Then bit her lip as the possible implications of her response sank in.

I had a ton of fun researching and coming up with different phrases that screamed geeky sexual innuendo. One of the best sources is here. Way more than you’d think. Computers really do use a lot of funny words. Sadly, I wasn’t able to include everything I ran across.

What I did discover is that once you start actively trying to think of and list phrases with sexual innuendo, I started to hear it in everything. Imagine trying to explain laughing out loud at a phrase by telling people you’re writing a book with lots of innuendo and what they just said was loaded with it? Awkward at best, I promise. But I refuse to give up my wicked amusement about these. A little awkwardness never bothered me.

Here are a few of the funnier ones I ran across while writing Drew and Cassie’s story:

  • Maybe we should do some penetration testing.
  • I’d like to unzip your files.
  • I hack you in my dreams, baby.
  • Would you like my attribute on your property?
  • You can talk to me in binary all the way home, baby.
  • It’s not the bandwidth, it’s how you use it.
  • You had me at data.
  • Just being around you sets my synapses on fire.
  • You just made my floppy a hard drive.
  • You have the hottest multi-touch interface.
  • You auto-complete me.
  • I think you crashed my server.
  • Would it be easier to embed you if I show you my plugins?
  • You should see the size of my keyboard!

That’s just a handful and I still crack up every time I read them. Like any pick up line, they’d be terrible if delivered straight. But delivered in awkward, inadvertent moments might just be adorable. What do you think? Would any of these lines catch your attention? Which ones do you think made it into the book?

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