Originally posted on Ever After Romance, June 2017.

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It’s a dirty job, but…

I was married when I started working for a large Silicon Valley tech company, so I never had an office romance to find out for myself. However, I heard a handful of stories from my single friends at work about places people would “get it on” in the office.

Very few stories. Here’s why… Companies frown heavily on nookie in the office. As in you get fired. Therefore, I am in no way encouraging this in real life. But in a romance novel, this still happens a lot. Why? Let’s be honest, office lovin’ can be an exciting and sexy endeavor—the heat of the moment, the lure of the forbidden, the danger of exposure (no pun intended).

So, let’s talk about some arousing, yet inappropriate, options to get horizontal, or sometimes vertical, in the office…and why most of them blow (again with the unintended puns).

10. Boss’s Private Office

Not even an option…

These days, most companies no longer have private personal offices with walls and doors. It’s much cheaper to put up cubes, and those suckers have zero privacy. In fact, every job I’ve had, even the CEO didn’t have an office. So even if your character IS the CEO, this likely just isn’t an option.

9. Supply Closet

How cliché can you get?

Yes, I tried to sneak this in. And yes, my editor slapped my wrists. Lol. However, this is one of the few rooms with a door and walls. I can also tell you this room doesn’t get a lot of traffic, so the chances of discovery are slightly diminished. Although I don’t know how sexy pens and pads of paper are.

8. Elevator

Of course not…but maybe.

Elevators in most offices either only go 3-4 floors. Those that go higher, like in large cities, are constantly on the move, stopping at almost every floor during the day. There’s no possible way you’d have time or privacy. Unless it was at night and most everyone had gone home. Then you might have a shot. Then again, most elevators in corporate buildings now come equipped with cameras, so…busted!

7. Stairwell

The alternative to the elevator…

In my office, the stairs almost got more use than the elevators. Companies might take up only one or two floors, so it’s easier to just go back and forth. However, I’ve never worked in a high rise, so maybe there, the stairs get less action? Or more action. (Okay, I give up. I’m just going to include the puns.) Either way, the tricky part with stairs is no place to hide.

6. Restrooms

Just gross…

Depending on location, the bathrooms might be a good bet for privacy. However, even if the bathrooms are kept pristinely clean, I still say gross. They tell you not to even touch the door handles. You’d have to be pretty fit to manage getting it on without touching anything in there.

5. Parking Garage/Lot/Cars

Are you small and flexible?

More private options here, especially if you time things after everyone has come in for the day or before the mass exodus. If you got to one of your cars, even more privacy. But have you ever done it in a car? I hope you’re a contortionist and not very tall. Otherwise, good luck. Also, like with elevators, most parking garages have cameras. In addition, most companies have rules against sleeping in your car on the property let alone going at it.

4. Printing Room

Where’d it go?

Much like the boss’s office, printing rooms don’t pop up in every office these days. Most small printing machines now do everything. Besides, much less work is done with paper, remaining on our computers instead. Where I worked, we had 2 printers out among the cubes. No private room. Although that whole “copier running while you’re having some fun” does appeal. And you even get souvenirs.

3. Conference Room

High traffic but private…

While private offices are going the way of the dinosaur, private conference rooms are still a necessary evil. Most of the time you can block off a room, showing it as in use. However, you can’t lock the door. People searching for an empty room are apt to walk in, though many knock first. So you have to way the likelihood of discovery with the fact that it’s a private space.

2. Under Your Desk

Those cubes really put a damper on office romance.

Again, the cube issue might get in your way. It depends on how open the cubes are, how tall they are, if there’s any privacy, and so forth. Also, most of those cubes are tiny, so actually fitting you both under there is a conundrum. Also, the noise factor.

1. Server Room

Private, loud, and…brrrrrr.

This is the room where racks and racks (or just rack) of computers running the office are all lined up and humming. The good news? This room is super low traffic. Only the techs come in, and even then, it’s not a regular visit. The next bit of good news? It’s loud in there with all those machines humming. So the noise factor is also limited. The bad news? Dang it’s freezing. Office mates might get suspicious when you bundle up in a parka every day at noon.

Maybe I’ve ruined your romantic vision of office trysts. Or maybe I’ve given you ideas. 😊 (Again, I am not encouraging this behavior.) But if you’re like me, a good office romance novel will always top my list of must reads (and must writes). In The Wrong Kind of Compatible, do you think Drew and Cassie get busy in the office? And if they do, can you guess where? You’ll have to read it to find out for sure!